I’ve been frequently told that I apologize too much. I’ll say sorry for a lot of things, many things I don’t need to say sorry for, and sometimes I’ll say it multiple times in a row for very minor things. On the other hand, I feel as though I don’t apologize enough sometimes. I think there are times in which I should apologize for something, or get in front of a mistake I made, and I will frequently avoid it in favor of non-confrontation and the hope that it will go away. These are usually things that could warrant an apology but aren’t that bad that they require an apology, and so the reward signal is weak.
I think both can be true, and in fact have the same source. They also make each other worse - too many apologies devalue the act, and not apologizing is obviously bad as it pushes people away the tiniest amount.
I’ve had this thought in my head but it came to mind after watching the movie Past Lives. In the movie, Hae Sung apologizes to Arthur for talking to Nora / Na Young in Korean, which he can’t understand. It seemed like an innocuous thing to apologize for, but I realized it’s the perfect example of something at the level that I should apologize for.